We risk being influenced by what we listen to; and because of this, to some extent, deep listening can be an act of love. When we really want to listen to another person’s story, we try to set aside our assumptions and draw close to what they say.
The most critical part of listening is asking what is at stake for the other person. We try to understand what matters to them, not what we think matters. Sometimes we can lose our self in someone else’s story. As soon as we notice this, we pull back into our self, like returning home.
How do we listen to someone when his or her beliefs are counter to ours? An invisible wall forms between us and them, a chasm that seems impossible to cross. In these moments, we can choose to remember that the goal of listening is not to feel empathy for our opponents, validate their ideas, or even change their mind in the moment. Our goal is to understand them.
When listening gets hard, we could try to think about the other person’s story and the possible wound in them. It is possible that our opponent will begin to wonder about us in return and listen to our story. Perhaps their views will start to break apart and new horizons will open in the process; or maybe even not. It does not matter as long as the primary goal of listening is to deepen our own understanding. Listening does not grant the other side legitimacy. It grants them humanity—and preserves our own.
Mark 4:24 “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given—and you will receive even more.”
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