As children growing up we learned which behaviors caused approval and disapproval from others, especially family and friends. In order to create pleasant outcomes and have some control, we developed things that were acceptable and repressed those which were not. The things we repressed or denied about ourselves became our shadow, and the qualities we “placed” in our shadow aren’t only bad; they simply are not the ones rewarded by our family system and culture.
The more we cultivated and protected our chosen identity, the more shadow-work we need to do. We need to be very careful of clinging to any idealized role or self-image. Living up to these images traps us in a lifelong delusion that the role is who we are.
Our self-image is simply created out of our mind, desire, and choice, and everybody else’s perceived preferences for us; it is insignificant and worthless. The more we are attached to and are unaware of such a protected self-image, the more shadow-self we have.
The movement to second-half-of-life wisdom has much to do with shadow-work and the emergence of healthy self-critical thinking. This shadow-work allows us to see beyond our own disguise and to find who we truly are.
Our true identity cannot die, lives forever and is our True Self. Religion is about discovering our True Self, which is also discovering God, who is our deepest truth.
Colossians 3:3 “your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.”
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